Thoughts- memories

Sometimes i am not sure, if i am alone with my weirdness. Sometimes i am not sure, if i am the only one, who has a weird version of thinking. I am always happy, when someone tells me, that their thinking is also weird. Sometimes i am not sure, if i am the only who thinks that much about persons. Sometimes i am not sure, if i am the only one who appreciates her family, friends. Sometimes i am not sure, if i am the only one who is stalking people in social media and gets jealous- jealous , about their friends, moments. Sometimes, there are moments, where i would like to know , how other persons are thinking . Do they feel as much as i feel ? Sometimes, i feel proud , proud of myself and i am asking myself, how it is for other people. Sometimes i would like to know, how it is, to grow up in your 'real ' family. Sometimes i would like to know, how it is , to grow up without mental health problems- without weird parents. Sometimes i would like to know, how it is, to live with all your siblings - how it would be, if my parents would be normal. Sometimes i feel bad, sad and unhappy about my past. Sometimes , i would like to know, if everything was my fault, if i am just a victim or not. Sometimes, i feel so happy for my life. I feel happy for all i did, happy to be , where i am now. Sometimes, there are days where i only see black, where my mind is just black, days where i feel that i have to pretent , that everything is ok. Mostly it is , but not always, as my past is still touching my soul. Sometimes, i am talking a lot, sometimes i am silent. Sometimes, i am looking at my cat, sometimes i would like to be her. Sometimes, i would like to know, if everyone has songs which you ''connect'' with people, so a song that  reminds you about someone. Someone, a song, you would like to cry, because you don't  know an answer, you would like to know the situations, but no, no answer. I wouldn't say , that i am always thinking like that, but i like to be like that. I like to overthink, but on the other side i also really don't like it. Sometimes, i think it's bad that i am so honest. Sometimes, i think that people are thinking, that i only want attention. I don't want attention. Sometimes, my self esteem is so bad, that one message can make me feel bad, that i feel extremly ugly , worthless, but i am sure it's normal. We are all humans and it's so important to be honest. I really don't like it , when i know there is something wrong , i feel when something is strange- but i don't know an answer , what is wrong. I don't like it, when i am talking deep and when i have to be honest to persons. I don't like it, when people won't tell the truth. I don't like lies. I don't like fake smiles, although i am also doing it sometimes, it's a bad part of myself, what i have to change, but we are all not perfect. I don't like it when teenagers think, that they are so cool. I really don't like it, when they are so facile. Sometimes i feel really old inside, because i am mostly at home, i don't like to party that much, i am (mostly) not drinking, because i am still scared that it will be how it was in my past. I like to do something with friends, but i think  not like people in my age. Sometimes, close people say to me, that i have to relax, that i am always strained. I think that's mostly true, but i am learning to live with it, i am learning to be relaxed. Learning is important, no one is perfect, even if their social media page sounds so perfect, or they tell you that they are so happy. They also have to deal with something, everyone does, stop thinking that someones life is perfect. Stop thinking, that someone you like, is perfect. Some day you will find out, what is their ''weak point'' and you will be angry about you, because you thought this person was perfect. Maybe just because you were so in love, that you couldn't see it ? Maybe, because you know this persons for a long time ? I don't know, but stop with it. talk, please talk. Talk about feelings, talk about bad things, talk when you have a problem with someone, talk when you want to know something. This person will tell it - or not. Stop being rude to someone, everyone has feelings and to hurt feelings is awful. Be like you want. Take care about yourself, you are good. Don't forget that. Taking time for yourself is so important. So important, to grow, to feel better. (sorry for the english  mistakes,  i tried )